i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
