Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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