You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm at about main and main street
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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