I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If I die, sorry about rent.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
