a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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