You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
