I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
