I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I need to stop coming to work sober
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize