I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
