You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
