Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
