Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
