my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
