I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
