i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
