You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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