You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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