yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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