i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
