So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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