You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
