best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
