It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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