we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
