bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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