You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
