im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
