maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I queefed so loud it echoed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
