I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
