i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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