you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
