I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
