Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
