Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
