We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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