OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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