I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
