do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
