i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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