I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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