I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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