Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
