great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
