is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
