She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
