So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
