Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
