You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
