I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
