note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
