I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
