I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
