Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
