This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
