when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
