I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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