I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
