I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
