remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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