I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm way too hungover for life right now
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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