am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
