I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
