.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
