Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
