Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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