I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
