we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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