You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
