Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
