He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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