going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
