i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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