real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
