Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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