But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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