so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
