I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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